My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
