I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
