That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
