Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
