Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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