Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
