You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
