His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
