How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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