My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
