Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
two words...techno handjob
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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