we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
