So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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