she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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