Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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