do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
