Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Drunk is not a location!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
