she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize