we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize