It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
