It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
