So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
