careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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