I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
