What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
