FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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