Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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