you guys were way drunker than both of me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
