I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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