I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
3pm strippers are depressing
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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