I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize