i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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