I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
where am i from again
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
