DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
jump out the window naked night went bad
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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