my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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