Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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