If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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