I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
