Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
