i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
