good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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