I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
