He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
