i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
