so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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