my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
