you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dignity is for republicans.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
