Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Randomize
