i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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