This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Small penises have feelings too.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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