And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
