Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
