i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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