My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
