I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
