Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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