I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
