He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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