1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
