dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
