He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
