just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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