Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize