they need to just BURY HIM!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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