I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize