Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
