YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
