Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
