If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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