Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
