Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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