Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
