I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
