the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
