Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
