I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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