Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
